Forget that old rule that weddings are paid for by the parents of the bride.  That time has passed.  As the marrying age has gone up, so has the amount that the couple contributes to their own nuptials.  And while parents on both sides still often contribute, don’t automatically assume that they will give you carte blanche for your wedding.

Then comes the “fun” part of asking the parents if they are interested in contributing.  Don’t make one person do all of the asking.  Each one of you gets to ask your own parents.

How to Ask Parents for Money

First of all, you should ask to have a conversation with your parents. Don’t spring it on them!  Ask, “When would be a good time to talk to you both about whether or not you’d like to help cover the cost for the wedding?” Ask first if they would like to contribute, not how much they want to contribute.

Show your parents ideas of the type of wedding that you are looking to create, how much it will cost, and how much you and your fiancé(e) can contribute.  Then ask if they would consider contributing a set amount to fund a specific part of the wedding in lieu of giving you a gift. And don’t expect them to have the money right on the spot. Tell your parents to take some time to think about it because weddings can be expensive.

Regardless of their answer, make them feel comfortable with whatever they decide.  Remember, this is your event, not theirs.  They shouldn’t have to go into debt for your wedding day, no matter how important you feel it is to have a designer gown or a full five-course dinner with open bar for everyone you know.

The best attitude is to appreciate when anyone contributes in any way at all–whether it’s helping you plan and prepare or giving you money to help with costs–Be grateful.